More Avene and Some Love?

I did some shopping about ten-days ago at my local Duane Reade. I needed to pick up a light daytime lotion for the summer but I came home with two precious new finds:

1. Avene Thermal Water Spray

I feel like every brand has its own "water spray," to gain market share in the ridiculous water market. I mean seriously, paying money for a facial water spray is kind of odd. In any case, felt like it was harmless since this bottle was only $7+tax and many of my friends have them, sort of like a household stable, like your dish detergent or like cooking oil...? I've been using it twice a day after I wash my face. So far so good, it's very hydrating which is good. And apparently, the mad scientists at Avene have been using this "water spray" since 1743 to treat dermatological conditions like eczema.

2. Avene Hydrance Opitmale Light Hydrating Cream

This is a light-weight moisturizer that I use under my daily La Roche-Posay Anthelios 60 Ultra Light Sunscreen (highly recommended). The ingredients in this product are very neutral, I don't think there's anything too fancy in here...just simple hydrating stuff which is exactly what I am looking for right now. The tube comes at $27+tax, a bit pricey for basic face lotion. I was debating between this and the Neutrogena Daily Moisturizer (spf 43), both around the same price but I really wanted something light that wouldn't clog the pores and the Neutrogena was a bit heavy (probably the sunscreen part).

3. On the Topic of Commitment

Had an interesting discussion with my friend DK today on marriage & love. I mean my answer has always been the same. Marriage, husband, love, family, kids are all wonderful things to have in life but not everyone is meant to have everything...you know that perfect white picnic fence life. And yes of course, being a loving wife and the perfect mother is something most girls grow up dreaming about...that perfect fairy-tale romance with that fabulous wedding but realistically, it rarely happens. Instead, most just settle with the first decent guy that comes around hoping that with time, hard-work and sacrifices the ideal family life will blossom when in reality...divorce rates are how high? I just find that this type of commitment to be insanely risky, like a high-yield junk bond...the promised return is unbelievably fat and attractive but the risks you have to take on before the maturity are just outrageous. I suppose, it's easy to blame my parents for failing to stay in love and together for my indifference on the subject matter, commitment in general, but I think it's more than that.

I think my personality just won't allow myself to be in a situation where my entire happiness and well-being is anchored on one person's actions and decisions. Usually the defensive mechanism, cut and remove, jumps in the picture before I realize what's even going on. I just don't know how to be that vulnerable, the kind of nakedness that's not so sexy. And perhaps, my share of heartbreaking experiences has contributed to this physical impossibility. But hey, I've always wanted a heart of steel! But seriously, I trust that most people agree that vulnerability is a scary thing. And that when you commit to someone whether it's a simple relationship, a friendship even, you give the person an immense amount of power to change who you are, to influence you, to impact you; mannerisms, preferences, behaviors all evaporate into the space you share with that person and before you know it, they are settled on your skin. And should you one day realize that it's time to move on, for whatever reasons, you are unable to just go back to who you were before that person, you are literally forced to adapt to this new self. Doesn't that idea startle you? I mean, gosh, to lose yourself a little every time you let someone in, it's confusing. Maybe this is why nobody knows who they are anymore. More specifically on the current topic, I mean to have everything hang on a string of words, have everything so breakable to his "I don't love you anymore" or "There's someone else," just seems ludicrous; a flawed concept.

My mom is actually scared that I'll end up alone forever but I mean if that's what the universe wants for me then there's nothing anyone can really do to alter the truth, no? I just refuse to change my mentality to fit into what our society breeds us into believing, that love is meaningless without contractual obligations i.e., all that a marriage license/prenup entails. And I will never settle for the "first decent guy" just because of extraneous factors (aging) or difficult circumstances (family pressure). I find that love comes and goes and there's no point in trying to prolong it, stall it, trick it into a forever. Isn't that what makes it all so addictive, fabulous and romantic...the idea of a fleeing love? The concept of uncontrollable and unpredictable love? I don't know...I guess it's obvious that I have commitment and trust issues but I don't find it particularly alarming or disadvantageous. In fact, it's much easier to believe in nothing then to believe in everything only to later learn that everything has become nothing at all.

Just so many uncertainties. So many doubts and risks and sacrifices required before one even gets a small glimpse of the supposedly promised happily ever after. Like how will you ever know it's worth it? I'm sure if we look at the statistics regarding lasting happiness associated with marriage/love we would see that the outliers are what we believe to be the normalities. Messed up, no? Then I guess the more important question here should be: how far will one go, how much will one risk for a chance to realize a seemingly rare phenomenon?

5 minutes.

Because 5 minutes is enough time for you to process your instincts and to make a conscious decision on how best to act on those inner impulses or rather to see how easy it is to dismiss those feelings.